


Two Broken Parts

by Nammicy



Category: Steins;Gate
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-12-29 22:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18302903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nammicy/pseuds/Nammicy
Summary: When Kurisu meets the man who saved her in the streets of Akihabara she is overcome by memories she shouldn't have. With the memories from the other worldlines in possession she must deal with the consequences of remembering the good and the bad that brought her to this point. Can she handle the burden of her new memories, while helping Okabe deal with his own pain? Sometimes it takes two broken parts to make a more perfect whole.





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: I Remember**

“I told you I’m not Christina, and I’m not your assistant.”

The words roll of my tongue before I have a chance to think. A knee-jerk reaction based on a habit I shouldn’t have. This man may have saved me, but I have never had a conversation with him to have ever told him my name is not Christina and that I’m not his assistant. But why does this exchange seem so natural? Why did it tug at my heart in a way that made me want to scream and slap him? Why am I acting like a tsundere all of a sudden, I don’t even know who this guy is!

_Okabe._

The name rang true in my head and my heart. Of course, Okabe, how could I not recognize him after everything we’ve been though? The man I lo… invented time travel with. But even that wasn’t right. Time travel is impossible. A thought experiment best left to philosophers than actual scientists. Nothing good ever came from such discussions.

_Except for meeting Okabe and saving your life you mean._

Right except for that.

Wait, that never happened! But it did, the memories were there. The Phonewave, the D-mails, Time leaping. The kiss…

I remember all of it. How? Reading Steiner is Okabe’s ability. And yet my knowing of that term at all effectively proves having it.

So I have Reading Steiner, same as Okabe, this raises even more questions. But I can’t bring myself to care.

I remember.

I remember Daru and Mayuri. I remember Suzuha, Luka, Faris and Moeka. I remember Okabe. I remember falling in love with him. I remember his confession. I remember our kiss. More and more memories flood into my mind.

I can feel my cheeks burning.

But with these good memories, so too come painful ones. Mayuri, killed in front of me. Shot in the head by Moeka, someone I thought as a friend. My own death, by my father’s hand. My own death, by Okabe’s hand.

Shaking my head I try to push these awful memories from my mind. Desperately I try to focus on Okabe’s kiss. The feel of his lips, the way he kissed away my tears, the idiotic excuse he used to so I would kiss him again, my own embarrassment that prevented me from telling him what I felt…

But it’s no use.

The more I try to push the memories away, the more vivid they become, supplemented by other horrible memories from multiple worldlines.

I feel nauseous. I want to vomit. I want to run back to my hotel room and pretend this is all a nightmare. But it’s not. I know it’s not. I remember. It’s all real. All of it happened. I can’t forget. The fact that it happened on a different worldline didn’t matter. The memories, the experiences, the feelings, they are all a part of me. The pain I feel is all too real.

I understand now. The broken down, dejected, defeated Okabe I found Bridge that day. The Okabe who called me Kurisu, not Christina. The Okabe who asked, begged for her help. I remember. At the time it surprised me. Now I understand completely.

Okabe had been carrying just as much pain, if not more, as I am feeling now. How did he keep going? How did he keep moving? Right now I can barely stand under the weight. And yet Okabe kept changing worldlines again and again. Even as the pain continued to pile up on top of him, he kept. He saved Mayuri. He saved me. Where did he find the strength?

From me.

He told me that once, or was it more than once? It’s difficult to make sense of all the different memories across the different worldlines. It doesn’t matter right now. I remember. I know that I am the reason Okabe had the strength to keep going.

But wait… What was his plan now? How was he going to carry this pain? I’m nearly collapsing under the weight of it all and as far as Okabe is aware I don’t, and will not, remember the other worldlines. Don’t remember him. He intends to carry this burden alone. This… this… IDIOT! He was going to burden this pain, all alone, just to ensure Mayuri and I are safe.

My seemingly unending flow of thoughts and memories froze immediately.

I am safe.

I am alive.

I want to cry. He did it. He found a way out. Okabe found a way to get to a worldline where both Mayuri and I are both alive. He found a way to save us. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here, with these memories, with Okabe in front of me.

This raised a whole new set of questions, but they could wait. Okabe needs me. I need Okabe. I don’t have the strength to carry this pain alone, and I don’t intend to let Okabe carry his pain alone. I need to tell, let him know he’s not alone. That I am here for him, that I won’t let him be an idiot and do it alone.

I steal my resolve and attempt to refocus on the world around me. As I exit my thoughts and regain my bearings I find myself staring at Okabe’s chest. Idiot. He moved closer to me while to me while I was lost in my thoughts, and my height disadvantage with Okabe has put me eye level with his chest.

I am unable to prevent the blush rising to my cheeks.

Looking up towards Okabe I find him staring back down at me, his eyes overflowing with concern. I can see his mouth open slightly before snapping shut. His arms twitch forward, as if to reach out to me, before falling limp again at his sides.

I can tell he wants to comfort me, it’s written all over his face. He just doesn’t know how or even if he should. To him I’m a close friend, a confidant, the woman he loves. But to me, at least as far as he is currently aware, he is a stranger.

I’ll have to make the first move, find a way to show him that I remember. But I can’t. I’m too nervous, too embarrassed. Idiot. Why does he have to make me feel this way? Doesn’t he understand how difficult he is making things?

“Christina.”

I freeze. Okabe found the words, or word in this case, that he was looking for. My name, with his usual addendum to it. But it is not the word that stops me, but the way he says it. His tone lacks the teasing nature that tends to accompany his use of that name. It’s familiar. It’s the same tone he had on the bridge, the same tone he had during his confession.

His voice is filled with desperation and hope. He has formed a theory regarding my unresponsiveness. A theory based out of hope rather than any real evidence. I want to berate him for his unscientific approach to forming that theory. He is right though, I just need a way to tell him that.

However I’m still frozen. The way he said my name causes my heart to flutter. The need that dripped from his voice pulled at me, affecting me in a way only Okabe can. Why can’t he just shut up, this is hard enough without him trying to make me love him more.

I want to pull him into a secluded dark corner and recreate the kiss from my memory that dances as a phantom across my lips. Drag him back to my hotel room and… What the hell. I need to calm down. This is not the time for that. I can fantasize later.

“Christina, Please...”

“Shut up.” The words come out as a near silent sob, yet it is enough to stop Okabe. With all my remaining strength I hold back the tears that are threatening to escape and continue. “Just shut up you idiot.”

I have a plan, I just need to execute it. Gathering all of the courage I can muster, pushing back my embarrassment and nervousness, I grab Okabe’s hand and run, pulling him along behind me.

“Come with me.”

He doesn’t resist and I don’t look back. I know that if I did I would collapse in the street, crying and overwhelmed.

I’m grateful that my destination is close. My mind and body feel disconnected, my legs moving as if they have their own will. I dare not think on it further, fearful they will stop. Thankfully, I am able to lead Okabe to my chosen location. The Bridge.

This bridge holds one of my most precious memories from the other worldlines, overshadowed only by Okabe’s confession and our kiss. I remember now. I fell in love with Okabe many times across the different worldlines. But few resonate as strong with me as that time here on this bridge.

We’ve stopped, standing in the middle of the bridge. I’m slightly in front of him; my backed turned away, his hand still firmly in my grip.

In a flash I drop his hand and smack it away. The word ‘pervert’ screams in my mind as I step away from Okabe. A habitual response, a reflex, based upon prior interactions contained in my newly obtained memories. Rationalize it all I want, I regret my actions instantly.

Hanging my head in shame, the embarrassment rising to my cheeks, I turn and step backs towards Okabe. My eyes focus on his shoes. I don’t dare look him in the eye. I whisper “sorry” so softly I doubt if he even heard me.

A presence appears on my left shoulder followed by a gentle squeeze. My head shoots up. Okabe’s face is etched with fear, yet his eyes shine with hope. As much as he wants me to remember for his own sake, he wants me to forget for my own.

Idiot.

After everything we’ve been though. Doesn’t he realize by now what he means to me? I will gladly carry this burden. I will live with this pain, if it means I remember you Okabe.

I want to smack him for being so foolish. I want to scream at him for being such an idiot. I want to kiss him and tell him this is what I want.

I lunge towards Okabe, taking the lapels of his lab coat and closing the final distance between us.My resolve crumbles. Instead of meeting Okabe’s lips with my own, I find his chest instead, violently sobbing into his shirt unable to hold back the tears any longer.

I’m overwhelmed by the memories. The pain is too much. I’m collapsing. My legs start to falter, shaking. I’m going to drop.

Okabe’s hand leaves my shoulder and finds my back, firmly pressing my body to his, holding me up. His other hand reaches for the back of my head, beginning to softly stroke my hair. I feel Okabe lean down as he places gentle kisses to the top of my head.

I finally say the words. Proclaiming the truth he already knows.

“Okabe… I remember.”


	2. Close Your Eyes

I don’t know how long we’ve been like this. I’ve lost all sense of the passage of time around. Here, in Okabe’s embrace, I feel safe. My iron grip on his lapels remains. Right now, I think it would be harder to split the atom than to remove my hands from Okabe’s lab coat.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He has been whispering that into my hair since I made my tear filled confession. Each time I would shake my head and attempt to burrow myself deeper into his chest. “It’s not your fault.” I finally respond. He doesn’t object.

A part of me wishes he would so we could argue like I remember. That annoyed banter that often felt like flirting. Something to bring a sense of normally to this interaction. But nothing about this is normal.

I am reminded of the day of my lecture in the other worldline. The day I met Okabe. I should have been more creeped out by his perverted actions towards me that day, but I liked the attention. I thought he was cute.

Of course, now I know his actions that day were result of him seeing me die in another worldline and being shocked by seeing me alive. At the time though I thought a cute boy, perverted as he may be, found me attractive. It was stupid and immature, but I liked it.

Growing up I never really had friends, let alone a boyfriend. Skipping every other grade doesn’t give a girl a chance to build a social circle. Now my circle of peers look at me with jealously and hatred. I’m alone. Okabe’s interest in me made me hope that I didn’t have to be alone.

Then there was our discussion. He challenged me in public. At the time I couldn’t believe how bold he was. It made me so embarrassed, yet my pride wouldn’t let me back down. I wanted to impress him. I wanted, needed, to show him what I could do. So I crushed him. He was good, smart. I was better, still am. For that short discussion the rest of world disappeared. It felt like we were the only two people in the room. No one else mattered.

I feel the same way now.

My exploration of this memory was able to calm me to the point that I could stop crying.  Okabe’s shirt is now sporting a large damp spot, the remnants of my breakdown. I can only imagine how my face looks right now. I must look horrible.

My grip on his lab coat relaxes. Stepping back, I raise my head to look Okabe in the eye. He resists for a moment before relenting and releases me from his secure embrace.

Okabe’s smile is soft and warm, his eyes inviting. After brushing the bangs that fell in front of my eyes away, a gentle swipe of Okabe’s thump wipes away the last of the wetness from face.

“Christina, I think we need to talk.”

“Yeah.” I nod in response. “Can we go get something to eat? I’m a little hungry.” Last time I ate, when was that? I have been singularly focused on locating my savior that I have neglected myself. Now with having found Okabe, recovered the memories, and had a breakdown on Okabe’s chest, I’m feeling the effects of the lack of care I’ve given myself these past few days.

Okabe chuckles, a real laugh, not one of his fake Kyouma mad scientist laughs. In fact, Okabe has been good about remaining himself and not dropping into his Hououin Kyouma since our initial meeting in the street. Outside of continuing to address me as Christina that is.

“What is this Christina, have you not been taking care of yourself? It would appear that the Organization has targeted my beloved assistant in an attempt to deprive me of her brilliance.”

And just like that, Kyouma is back. I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth. However, something is different about it. His words lack the normal pomp and grandeur I’ve come to expect from Okabe’s mad scientist personality. His teasing was less annoying and more flirtatious.

Wait, did he call me his ‘beloved assistant’ and call me brilliant?

I’m flushing again; I can feel the blush burning my cheeks. How many times in the last hour has Okabe made me feel this way? Idiot. He’s making me feel like a lovesick girl and, in a way, I guess I am.

“Come on, I know a place where we can have lunch.”

“Okabe…” My voice coming across more like a whine then intended. “I don’t want to go to May Queen… and I’m not your assistant.” I’m grateful for the banter. It feels natural. But going to May Queen and dealing with Faris is too much right now.

“Fear not my dear Christina, for I have chosen the perfect destination for our discussion. One in which I can guarantee that there are no agents of the Organization lurking in the shadows.” Okabe declares grandly, his mad scientist personality back in full.

I give Okabe a glare as a reflex. He’s nervous and I can’t tell why, but it is causing him to slip back into his Kyouma identity. What is he afraid of? I let Okabe lead me off the bridge.

“Okabe, where are we-?” I start before he interrupts me.

“Rintarou.”

“What?!” Is he asking me what I think he is?

“You can call me Rintarou, if you want.” Okabe’s flustered response is quickly covered by the returning mask of Hououin Kyouma. “Not that I care much, it is not even my true name, Hououin Kyouma. For I am bound by the will of Steins Gate to…”

I grab his hand in mine effectively silencing Okabe as the Kyouma mask disintegrates and a blushing, flustered Okabe returns.

“Ok, Rintarou.”

He’s surprised, I can tell. The slack jaw and wide eyes are clear giveaways. The surprise is replaced by joy as he gives me a gentle smile. Hooking one of his arms around mine, he leads me in a comfortable silence.

As we walk though Akihabara we are getting looks from multiple people we pass. I’m used to getting look when I’m out with Rintarou in the other worldlines, but those are normally of annoyance and disgust at the actions of Hououin Kyouma. That’s not how people were looking at us today.

Walking arm in arm like we are must be conveying to those around us that we’re a couple. The kind looks we are getting practically scream thoughts of ‘aren’t they cute’ and ‘they make a sweet couple.’ Embarrassing as they are to me they make me wonder as the true status of my relationship with Rintarou. Him asking me to use his given conveys a level importance I can’t begin to place. Not even Mayuri uses it.

Are we a couple? Do I want us to be?

I find my answer to the second question quickly and I surprise at how sure I am about my answer. I’ve never been sure of much outside of my studies and research. Relationships with other people were always difficult, compounded by the relationship with my father, even before he tried to kill me.

I involuntary shudder as the memory is called from the deepest recesses of my mind where I tried to hide it.

My reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by Rintarou who quickly shoots me a worried look. I do my best to wave his concern off. It’s clear he doesn’t buy it as he continues to give me side glances he thinks I won’t notice as we continue to walk.

I guess my relationship with my mother is fine. We talk every other week or so, more so in the past week since the ‘incident’ as she has been calling it. I wouldn’t call us close. Yet, before I got my memories of the other worldlines, I would have called my mother the closest person to me.

Guess that says a lot about my life before arriving at Future Gadget Labs, and now those friends I made have never met me. Okabe Rintarou is the most important person in my life, and, in some ways, the only one.

So yes I want us to be a couple.

But does he? I think so. He confessed his love for me sure, but that was a different world and he thought I had to die. What if he regrets saying that he loves me, what if he regrets the kiss? Is that what he wants to talk about, does he want to end things with me before it even began?

That’s it isn’t it? He doesn’t love me, he can’t. If my own father couldn’t find it in himself to care for me, how could Okabe?

Sinking into a pit of despair of my own making, the memory of my father killing me replays in a repeating cycle that I am unable to escape from. My attempts to push the memory away are pointless, focusing on Rintarou only causes the memory to replace my father for Rintarou. This is worse, much worse.

The prior feeling of nausea returns with a vengeance. I detangle my arm from Rintarou’s, ignoring his calls to me; I rush forward to a trash receptacle outside a nearby grocer’s shop, and start to vomit. At least I would be if I had eaten anything substantial in the last few days, so I end up dry heaving into the receptacle.

The sound of familiar footsteps approach behind me, my hair is pulled back from falling in front of my face, and a hand starts rubbing circles on my back. The touch is reminiscent of Rintarou’s embrace, but in my current state the memories are perverted and painful.

A gentle feminine voice pierces the haze of my dark memories, and the shock of the words spoken is enough to halt my decline into the pain recesses of my mind.

“Young lady are you ok? Rintarou! What is going on here?”

The gentle voice that was directed at me grows slightly harsh when turned towards Rintarou. Whoever this person is clearly know him and well enough to use his given name. Who is this? Could this be his Girlfriend? Is this where he wanted to take me, so he could break my heart in front of his girlfriend?

A ridiculous notion. The rational part of mind attempts to butt in. I welcome it. This part of me has been frighteningly absent since I regained my memories. If Rintarou had a girlfriend Daru, Mayuri, or any of the others would have mentioned her at some point. Unless of course she only exists in this worldline, that would make sense.

As if sensing my distress at the situation and the pain it caused, Rintarou responds to the voice.

“Mom, this is my… friend, Makise Kurisu.”

It’s his mom! Here I was think it was his girlfriend. It sounds like something Daru would read. The nausea may have passed but I continue to hind my face in the trash out as the sheer embarrassment of my thoughts is worse than the current position of my head.

Wait! Why did he delay before saying I was his friend? What did he want to call me?

“Kurisu hasn’t been feeling well and we were in the area, so I was hoping I could let her rest here.”

“Of course, head upstairs and get her some water to sip on.”

Rintarou coaxes me away from the trash and I am able to get a look at Rintarou’s mother. She shorter than I expected the mother of Rintarou to be, he must get his height from his father. She’s still taller than I am. Her raven hair, cut shoulder length, was tied back in a loose yet neat bun. Her face was starting to show signs of age; the lines gave the woman a dignified aura.

The woman’s smile is warm and inviting as Rintarou’s can be, her eyes however, sparkle with mischievous glint that remind me more of Mayuri. What is she thinking?

“It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Tell me, how long have you been dating my son?”

What?! My mind goes completely blank as I try to find the words to respond. The embarrassment I’m feeling must be plastered across my face as I stutter incoherently. Looking over to Rintarou proves useless as I find him to be in the same state as I am.

Rintarou’s mother begins to chuckle behind her hand. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Head upstairs you two, I’ll be up after I’m sure the part-timer is settled in, alright.” She states while waving us off in the direction of a stairway in the back of shop.

Grasping my hand, Rintarou pulls me away from his mother and up the stairs. He is moving so quickly I nearly trip over myself several times before he stops in front of the door to the second floor. He fumbles around in the pocket of his lab coat before pulling out a key he uses to unlock the door and then lead me into an immaculate apartment.

The apartment itself is small, yet the cleanliness and arrangement of the furniture gives it a feeling of being larger than it actually is. To the right of the door is a small kitchen and dining area, while the left side of the apartment boasts a snug living area featuring a sofa, few chairs and tables, as well as an old CRT. Two other doors lead out of the living area, likely to a bedroom and bathroom respectfully.

“My mother owns the building.” Rintarou proffers without being asked. “It used to be storage up here. Mom had it converted after dad passed and I moved out. She didn’t need that much space anymore.”

My head snaps to look at Rintarou, he is not looking back at me. Instead he is starting out to some invisible point in front of him. He never mentioned his parents to me before, and now I learn that his father is dead. I don’t know what to say.

“I know mom’s lonely these days. I try to stop by as often as I can, but I’m not great about it.” Turning back to face me, Rintarou flashes me a warm smile identical to the one his mother bore. “Go have a seat; I’ll get you a drink.”

I simply nod and make my way over to the couch while Rintarou heads into the kitchen. Sinking into the soft cushions of the soda I come to the realization that we are finally alone. We have the privacy to discuss… everything. I have so many questions I need to ask, and I imagine he has just as many for me. If I can get past my embarrassment, I know what I need to ask first.

Rintarou returns with two Dr. Peppers and a platter of crackers. I can’t help but tease him in spite of my burning questions. “Didn’t your mother say I should be drinking water?”

“Mom thinks your nausea is from an upset stomach. We both know that not the case.”

He’s right, and his sobering statement stops me from continuing to speak. We sit in a tense silence sipping our drinks for several minutes. I move to break it, but Rintarou beats me to it.

“So you remember the other worldlines.”

His words are posed as a question, but come across as more of a statement. He already knows the answer, but is looking for final confirmation from me, the last piece of evidence to confirm his theory.

“Yes, everything.” My statement is overly broad and not supported by the evidence. It would probably take hours, if not days, of comparing experiences between Rintarou and I to properly confirm that I did remember ‘everything’ from the other worldlines. At this moment though, it was close enough.

“I’m sorry.” Rintarou’s voice is a whisper I can barely hear, his face is buried in his hands.

“Stop it.” I respond no louder than him.

“I’m so sorry. You weren’t supposed to remember.”

“Rintarou please don’t.”

“I never wanted you to carry this burden.”

“Shut up you idiot.” Rintarou’s words have helped me find the courage to speak. The words finally are able to escape the confines of my mind and make their presence known to the world. But in place of the declaration of love I intended to speak, I lash out in anger instead.

“I don’t want to forget. The memories, painful as some of them can be, are still my memories, and if bearing them is the cost of remember the good ones then I will gladly carry this burden with you.”

I’m standing now, in front of a siting Rintarou. He’s looking up at me now with a mixture of fear and awe painted onto his face. He moves to speak but I don’t let him.

“I don’t care if they happened in other worldlines, the memories of my time in the lab with everyone, with you, are the most precious memories I have. I will learn to live with the pain if it meant that I know that I love you.”

I finally said it. Three little words; three little words that I ran out of time to say before; three little words that offers my heart to Rintarou; three little words that should have been said in love, I said in anger. The embarrassment from finally speaking those words to Okabe Rintarou attempts to cripple me, but my anger pushes me forward.

“Do you love me?” I nearly scream the question at him.

“What?”

Rintarou’s startled response only serves to further aggravate me. “Do. You. Love. Me.” Each word of my question is punctuated by a forceful stab of my index finger into his chest.

Rintarou remains silent, dropping his head, and refusing to look me in the eye.

“Say something!”

“I’m a coward.”

What? That was not the response I was expecting from him.

“I’m a coward Kurisu.” He sounds so sure of himself I’m sure he must believe it. “The only time that I had the courage to tell you how I feel was when I knew that I could run away if it all went wrong.”

Rintarou stands from the sofa and takes me into his embrace. Looking down at me he cups my face with his hand and continues. 

“The Phonewave is gone and we can’t risk building it again. I have no more do-overs. If I mess this up I can’t go back and fix it anymore. You weren’t supposed to remember, you never did before. I could be content knowing you were safe, even if it meant never seeing you again. Yet here you are, standing in front of me, remembering everything, and saying you love me. It fills me with both excitement and with dread. For I know if I screw this all up I can’t go back and fix it.”

Rintarou’s monologue nearly brings me to tears. I’m breathless, hanging on every word, waiting for him to say the words I know he feels.

“It never mattered which worldline I was in Kurisu, I loved you in all of them, and I love you in this one. I could have been happy loving you half a world away if it meant you would be safe. Now that you are here in front of me, telling me the words I want so badly to say myself, I realize that I would be too afraid to tell you the truth if you didn’t push me the way you always have. Too worried that I would do the wrong thing and I would lose you forever.”

Just say the words. Please just same them you idiot.

“So yes, Makise Kurisu, with all that I am, I love you.”

I can feel my whole body explode in joy at his declaration. My heart feels ready to beat out of my chest and my mind is awash in the ways I can respond to Rintarou’s words. The rational part of my mind has again retreated and remains silent. For once I welcome that, knowing it would object to at least half of what I am considering at this moment.

I close the gap between us; our faces remain a few horrible inches apart. I can feel his breath tickle my nose, and his heart beat against my chest. The final distance between our lips is about to vanish, but before they do I say the words that our forever burned into my mind as if they were rehearsed.

“Rintarou, close your eyes.”


	3. Okabe Asuka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to both Tressk and Myshellebelle. Thank you both for your kind comments, they helped me get over the hump in finishing this chapter.

The kiss, in many ways, felt familiar to me. The slight coarseness of Rintarou’s lips, the scent of Dr. Pepper mixing with his natural musk, the way his low groans mixed with my soft moans creating a most pleasant melody, the way my legs ached ever so slightly as they stretch up so my lips can reach his. It was all reminiscent of that first, and second, kiss.

Yet for all the similarities, this kiss was distinctly different. This kiss is bereft of the pain and regrets of our prior ones. I will never regret our first kiss; it was a pure physical manifestation of our love for one anouther, and as much as I wanted to blame it solely on chemical reactions in the brain, I couldn’t.  But those prior kisses were also filled with the sadness of goodbye, of the knowledge that it was the end.

This wasn’t an end, this was a beginning, and this kiss was indicative of that. What started as a gentle kiss was quickly becoming a passionate display that I’m sure would make Daru proud. I know I should end it. Stop kissing Rintarou, cuddle up on the couch and properly discuss things, but my body was screaming at me to continue, and I’m inclined to listen to it.

I find myself, against my better judgment, pushing myself up against Rintarou and stepping forward until he is pushed back enough and stumble down onto the couch. Now sitting, I climb onto Rintarou’s lap, startling him, and continue right were we left off.

Rintarou’s lips leave my own and find my neck, beginning to nip and suck at the sensitive skin there. I feel his hands find my hips, slowly creeping their way up, just under my shirt, to rub soft circles on my waist. My mouth, no longer occupied by Rintarou’s, continues to release moans of pleasure into the room at increasing volumes.

My own hands tangle themselves in his hair, and making use of their new position, I push his head down from my neck and towards my collarbone.  Taking the new position in stride, Rintarou starts biting and kissing my collarbone as the new sensations cause me to start to grind my hips down into him. I can feel myself about to lose the last bit of control I have left.

“I do hope that I’m not interrupting anything.”

I freeze, and if judging by Rintarou’s face still buried near my chest is any indication, he has as well, neither of us able to move after the shock of hearing his mother’s voice behind us.

“In the future Rintarou at least put up a sign, who knows what I could have walk in on if I took another ten minutes.” The tone of her voice isn’t the anger and shock I expect it to be. Instead, it’s teasing. This only causes me to feel more embarrassed by the situation.

After what feels like an hour, I’m able to regain control of my body and with that control I bolt from Rintarou’s lap in an effort to preserve some sense of propriety.  However, I quickly find that I wished I stayed in that position. My quick movement forces Rintarou’s lips to release my collarbone in a loud pop and the position of his hands forces my shirt up as I jump away.

I can hear the woman chuckling as I fluster trying to straighten my clothes and hair in a hopeless attempt to gain back some of my dignity. Looking over to Rintarou I can see he is trying to do the same, his face red with blush and I imagine that if I could look in a mirror, my own face would look the same.

The warm smile that graced the woman’s face earlier was replaced with a look that shone with mirth.

“I’m sorry for teasing you both, and please relax. It appears that we have a fair few things that we need to discuss.”

Her gaze shifts towards Rintarou and shoots him an accusatory glare that causes him to shift uncomfortably. My nervousness gets the better of my embarrassment. I stand and give a small respectful bow.

“Please Mrs. Okabe, accept my deepest apologies for infringing on your hospitality by engaging in such unseemly acts in your home.”

Laughing, I hear laughing. Rintarou’s mother is laughing at me. Oh no, I’ve been in America too long and must have made some kind of faux pas. I try and pull back on my actions, stuttering out more apologies through my rising embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be laughing. The looks on both your faces are just too funny.” She says as her laugh dies out. “Please sit down Makise. Given what I walked in on, I assume that my son has a few things to tell me.”

Slowly, I sit back down on the sofa, keeping a decent distance between Rintarou and myself, still embarrassed by being caught in such a compromising situation.  

“Well mom, like I said this is…”

She raises a hand to interrupt Rintarou. Mrs. Okabe’s face that once held warmness shifted to a glare that conveyed disappointment in a way only a mother could convey. While not directed towards me, the piercing look she was giving Rintarou causes me to shiver, reminding me of ones I had received from my own mother.

“I have neither seen nor heard from you in close to two months Rintarou. That, while it saddens, I can understand it. You’re a young man now, grown up, moved out, and looking to start your life outside of the shadow of your mother.”

Her voice is calm and direct. That eerie sort of calm that makes you wish they were yelling at you. I could tell that this was the calm before the storm, something in her expression that told me she had something she was about to hit Rintarou with, and if his rapidly paling face was any indication, Rintarou saw it too.

“But what I can’t seem to understand is why I have to hear from Mayuri, not you, that you’ve been injured.”

Any color that remained in Rintarou’s face vanishes in an instant. Rintarou never told his mother about being stabbed by my father. Suddenly I’m awash with guilt. The only reason Rintarou was nearly killed was because he was trying to protect me. Rintarou is trying to stutter out a response.  In any other situation I would find it humorous, and a little cute.

“Then, not a few hours ago, Mayuri stops by; her usual cheerful demeanor was somewhat subdued. Do you happen to know why Rintarou, do you know what she tells me.”

The question is clearly rhetorical, yet the idiot still attempt to give a response anyway, one that is immediately cut off by an even sharper glare. I’d be impressed if I wasn’t terrified that the same harness given to Rintarou would soon be directed toward me once this mother bear learns the reason for her son’s injuries.

“She tells me that my injured son checked himself out of the hospital and nobody has any idea where he is.”

Rintarou starts to sit up a little straighter and a recognizable smirk starts to form on his lips. I immediately recognize what is about to happen. Rintarou is about to disappear, hid himself behind his Kyouma mask again. He’s trying to protect his mother by hiding the truth from her, trying to protect me, the reason he got stabbed from reliving the event, and trying to protect himself from the all too painful memories.

I will not let him get away with it, not this time.

“It is the danger of mad science mother, but fear not, for I, Hou…”

“It’s my fault!” I blurt out the words to interrupt, what I’m sure was going to be, a long and ridiculous Hououin Kyouma speech. The consequences of my actions are immediate as I now have too shocked Okabe’s staring at me with shocked faces. There gazes causing me to shrink into the sofa and blush in my nervousness. Rintarou’s eyes are pleading with me to stop. I won’t. We carry this burden together or not at all. This includes taking responsibility for this.

“Rintarou was only stabbed because he was protecting me. If he hadn’t goaded my fath… Attacker into stabbing him, I’d… I would be dead.”

Rintarou moves closer to me and wraps an arm around my shoulder in a comforting gesture. His mother’s shocked face has morphed into one of sympathy. I resist the urge to lean into Rintarou’s embrace and cry again. Looking at the woman across from me square in the eye, I continue.

“I’m sure you have more questions Mrs. Okabe, but I would appreciate if we could hold off for now. The memory is still very recent and I don’t really feel ready to talk about it.” That and Rintarou and I need to get our story straight, regarding what we are tell people.

“Alright, I won’t press the issue, but if anything your explanation only leads me to worry more.” I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding at her words. “But this doesn’t let you off the hook for not telling me you’ve been hurt Rintarou. Mad scientist or not, I’m still your mother.”

The way Rintarou responds with a quiet “Yes mom” I find entirely too adorable not to file away and tease him about later.

Turning back to face me, the warm smile on Mrs. Okabe’s face has returned.

“I think formal introductions are in order. I’m…”

She is interrupted by a loud crash from the shop below that is followed by a cry of “sorry” in a voice that holds a strange hint of familiarity to me. If the exasperated look on Mrs. Okabe’s face is any indication, this seems to be a common occurrence.

“Rintarou, would you please head down and give the poor girl a hand while I get to know Miss Makise.”

The question was stated in such a way that there was only one option open to Rintarou. Still he looks to me as if to ask permission. I don’t want to give it. He’s been what’s been keeping me stable and I want to keep him close. Begrudgingly I nod and tell him “I’ll be fine.”

He doesn’t believe me and I can’t blame him. How could he when I don’t believe it myself. Still, he stands and walks towards the door.

“I’ll be just downstairs if you need anything.” He says before vanishing behind the door.  The absence of his presence immediately begins to affect me. I do my best to steel my resolve and focus on the woman sitting across from me.

“As I was saying, I’m Okabe Asuka. As you have probably inferred, I’m Rintarou’s mother. It is my pleasure to meet you Miss Makise.”

The formality in Mrs. Okabe’s words causes me to blush. It’s a conundrum to me. I can sit and argue with professors and researchers twice, sometimes thrice, my age and experience with confidence. Why does this woman make me feel like a nervous little girl?

“The pleasure is mine Mrs. Okabe, and please, Kurisu is fine. “

“Then I must insist on being called Asuka, I see no need for formality here.”

“Alright, Asuka.”

If my posture and face wasn’t already conveying my embarrassment and nervousness to the woman, Asuka, then I’m sure the tone of my voice would have given it away.

“Tell me Kurisu, would it be safe to assume that you are my son’s girlfriend?” The mirth has returned to Asuka’s grin, as if anticipating the rise in embarrassment and subsequent flushing of my cheeks in response to the question.

But yet, beneath the mirth, hidden in her eyes, was a seriousness that gave me pause. That look in her eye reminded me of a predator stalking its prey. As warm and inviting as she is being, she is also judging my worth as a suitable partner for her son. I have pride in my accomplishments. At my young age I’m already a published neuroscientist. More than once I have been called a genius, many times by Rintarou himself, and while his reasoning for such comments were typically teasing in nature, I took pride that he would describe me as such.  Now however, beneath this woman’s penetrating gaze, I feared I would come up wanting.

Stumbling over my words, I try to answer Asuka’s question. My nervousness however causes my response to be little more than incoherent ramblings.

“I’m not his girlfriend, not that I don’t want to be. Because I do, we just haven’t has the chance to really talk… I love him, and I told him that, and he loves me. He said so, twice, and then we kissed. Not just now, but also before, the first time. The second time you came in…. We really haven’t decided on titles. I’m his assistant!”

I need to shut up and get a hold of myself. The more I spoke the more embarrassed I got, and the more embarrassed I got the more I ramble to try and cover my embarrassment.

“That’s what he calls me, I mean, his assistant. It’s not that I like it or anything; it’s just what he calls me… and nobody else.  I call him an idiot! No, no, no. Not because I think he’s an idiot of course. I used to, a little bit, but not anymore. I just call him that out of habit more than anything, and… you’re smiling. Why are you smiling?”

Indeed, Okabe Asuka was smiling at me. There was no hint of mirth left in her face, and the predatory glare has vanished from her eye. Her warm smile has returned, as well as a look of relief. Relief? What did I say right? What did I say wrong, that would warrant that sort of reaction from her.

“Thank you.”

I’m shocked. Of all the different responses I thought I might get to my breathless rant, that was not one that had crossed my mind. But what in the world could she be thanking me for. As if in response to my unasked question, Asuka continues.

“For being open and honest with me.  As I’m sure you can imagine how rare that can be with Rintarou as my son.” She ended with a chuckle, a mix of fondness with exasperation in her words.

I felt the urge to contradict her and defend Rintarou, and yet, I did not. I couldn’t disagree with her; Rintarou did like to hide his emotions behind a mask, then again, so do I. Two peas in a pod we are. While I am gathering my thoughts, Asuka continues.

“Forgive me if I’m being too bold, but I can tell my son cares for you deeply.”

This I already knew. Not only did he confess to such not five minutes ago, but the memories of all our prior interactions tells me that as well. That however does not explain how his mother came to this determination. What evidence did she have to come to this conclusion?

It would not make sense if she was basing her conclusion solely as a result of what she observed upon entering the apartment. Our actions were could easily be explained away as a product of lust, and I would be lying if I said there wasn’t an undercurrent of lust motivating my actions earlier. But lust is just hormones, chemical reactions that take place as a result of external stimuli, or the introduction of specific foreign substances into the body, such as aphrodisiacs. In the case of Rintarou and myself, it was external stimuli, a young woman of breeding age in close physical contact with an attractive male, also of breeding age.

I cringe when I realize that I called myself a young woman of breeding age, and classified Rintarou similarly.

So it can’t be our interrupted actions that brought her to this conclusion. The only other interactions we have had was when I was vomiting into the trash and the short conversation the three of us had up here.

Of course, there is also the knowledge that he was hurt protecting me, but this is Okabe Rintarou. Underneath the mask he shows the world at large he is the most caring person I have ever met. If it meant saving someone else, I don’t doubt that he would put himself in danger. Surely his own mother knew this about her son.

My internal thoughts must have been on full display on my face as Asuka speaks up.

“Don’t look so surprised Kurisu, it was as plain as day since you both first got here. Rintarou wasn’t acting like Hououin Kyouma , he was acting like Rintarou. Sure he slipped into it when he was trying to hide the reason he was injured and in the hospital, but I would wager that he was trying to protect you.”

I can only nod to the woman’s unasked question. Thinking back I can see what she means. Since meeting again on the street Rintarou hasn’t slipped into his mad scientist persona, the mask has been off. Sure he has made a few Kyouma remarks, but truly hiding behind the mask of Hououin Kyouma hasn’t occurred outside of that one instant.

“Whenever Rintarou comes by, it doesn’t matter when, or why, or who he is with, he is always the mad scientist Hououin Kyouma. Now he comes by with you, and the mask is gone and my sin is back. With you he doesn’t feel the need to hide behind the mask anymore.  That is why I know he cares for you deeply.

Of course, how did I not see that? Even at the end it was always just me that got to witness Rintarou like that. It made me wonder if it meant that I would never get to see Hououin Kyouma again. For as much as it annoyed me at the beginning, I came to enjoy the eccentric mad scientist personality. Where did Kyouma end and where did Rintarou begin?

It’s not worth dwelling on right now. For the moment it is enough to now that the man is as much Hououin Kyouma as he is Okabe Rintarou. I’ll just have to add it to the ever growing list of things that we need to discuss.

“I know he cares about me, I know that he loves me, and I love him. We both have things we need to work through. Together I know we can handle it. We’ve been through a lot together, and I don’t plan on letting him carry his pain alone.”

I’m not sure what it was about Asuka that made me bear my heart out to her like this. Maybe it was because she was acting like the parent I always wished my parents could be. Maybe it was just a family trait as I recall the number of times I did the same with Rintarou. We sat in a comfortable silence for several minutes.

“So how did the two of you meet?”

I know Asuka’s trying to lighten the mood by shifting the tone of the conversation with what should be a simple topic. Not to mention I’m sure she is wondering more about me and her son, and we ended up so close to one anouther. Unfortunately, these topics are more complicated for the two of us than they would be for the average couple.

Given that Rintarou and I haven’t discussed what we are going to tell people, and that we can’t tell anybody what actually happened, I find myself in anouther difficult situation. If I try and delay until I can talk with Rintarou it would only serve to raise Asuka’s suspicions. I’ll need to give her a story now and advise Rintarou later so he doesn’t contradict me.

“We met at a lecture, during which Rintarou and I got into a rather heated discussion about the topic. He left quite the impression on me so I tracked him down to continue our discussion.”

What I said was true, if not the whole story, but she didn’t need to know the whole story. That was solely mine and Rintarou’s burden to bear. Also leaving the part out where he sort of assaulted me is probably for the best. That wouldn’t go over to well.

“So you go to school with Rintarou then?”

Asuka’s assumption is a valid one, if incorrect. I respond to correct her misunderstanding.

“No actually. I’m a researcher for a University in America.”

I can tell that I have surprised her.

“I’m in Japan to give a few lectures. Actually the lecture where Rintarou and I met was one that I was giving.”

I brace myself for the typical response I get from this information. The shock and awe I get from people once they learn about my accomplishments at such a young age. I dread that I will be at the receiving end of some jealously from Asuka, the same kind I was used to back home. It didn’t come. Instead, in what was becoming standard for this conversation, the woman surprised me with her response.

“A little young, but I guess I’m not one to talk. Should have known he would end up with a genius, he is quite smart once he gets out of his own head. He’d want to be with someone who would challenge him intellectually.”

I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or herself, so I decided to remain silent for the time being. She’s not wrong either. Rintarou is incredibly smart when he is not lost in his own head space, and what did she mean when she said ‘she’s not one to talk.’ I wanted to ask what she meant by that but felt it was a question best left for later.

“It’s starting to get late. I would appreciate if the two of you stayed for dinner. I would like to talk to you more Kurisu, and it has been awhile since my son has graced me with his presence.”

Typically I wouldn’t want to talk for someone else, but I felt confident that Rintarou would agree, and if not, let’s consider this payback for any number of prior incidents that I can think of.

“We would love to stay, I’m sure Rintarou would appreciate the free meal.”

Asuka’s smile goes wide clearly pleased with my answer.

“Excellent why don’t you head down and let Rintarou know, then I would love your help cooking.”

That could be a problem. I need to get out of this somehow.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to get in your way.”

“Please, I insist. I could use the extra hands. I don’t cook for three people much anymore.”

She’s not going to let me wiggle out of this one. I’ll just have to come out and say it and hope she doesn’t think less of me for it.

“It’s just… I can’t cook, and all my previous attempts have… well… failed. Rather spectacularly, actually.”

My words are quiet, fearful even, and I have to stop myself from stuttering. What if she thinks I’m not good enough for Rintarou now? I’m suddenly reminded of the times I tried to cook back home, and my mother’s disappointed looks. ‘It’s a good thing you’re smart and can support yourself, because you’ll never get a man with those kitchen skills.’ It was one of the many repeated statements of disappointment my mother would feed me when I was young.

“Well that’s not such a big deal; my old roommate in Italy was the same way.”

I was so shocked by the genuine kindness behind her words, and the lack of any disappointment, that I briefly overlooked her comment about Italy. The more I talked to Asuka, the more questions I have. The moment has passed however, and it felt rude to ask. So I filed away these questions for later when I could corner Rintarou to get the answers to them.

I end up folding to the woman’s renewed requests for my assistance in the preparation of dinner, with the added ‘bonus’ of teaching me a few things. Now I find myself heading back down into the shop to advise Rintarou of the plans I made for us for dinner with Asuka. I find him chatting with a young woman, about my age, as they proceeded to close up the shop for the evening.

The first thing I notice is that Rintarou looks ridiculous. Still in his usual lab coat, he is wearing an apron with the stores logo over top of it, and tied just ever too tightly that it caused the bottom of the lab coat to fan out giving him the look of wearing a hoop skirt.

However, my chuckle and teasing remark dies in my throat as I glance at the girl he is speaking too, because she should not be her. As the fear and panic begins to grip me I grab hold of the railing of the stair way to steady myself. Whispering out the girl’s name as if attempting to will her into disappearing.

“Suzuha?”


End file.
